What is BDSM?

What is BDSM? BDSM is one form or type of kink. A kink is defined as "bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior." But, BDSM is neither bizarre nor unconventional. In a 2014 study, 65% of female participants and 53% of male participants said that they have fantasized about being dominated. In this same study, 60% of male participants and 47% of female participants said that they have fantasized about sexually dominating someone else.

There are so many aspects to BDSM and unfortunately, we will not be able to cover all of them in just one blog post. However, we would like to share the basics with you! Many people were exposed to BDSM through the popular book and movie series 50 Shades of Grey. But, even with BDSM making it's way into popular entertainment, it is still widely misunderstood. And many people still view it as being taboo. In a study, 47% of participants said that they had participated in a least one BDSM activity. Judging by those numbers, BDSM isn't as taboo as some would want us to think it is.

It is very important to point out that BDSM is NOT abuse. In fact, I would even argue that BDSM is the opposite of abuse. The BDSM community is extremely conscientious when it comes to consent. Before participating in any BDSM activities, it is imperative that all parties involved have consented to the activity. Make sure that you are establishing a safe word along with setting terms every time you 'play'.

 

 

What is BDSM?

According to an article posted on The Swaddle, BDSM is:

Bondage

A form of restricting a sexual player’s movement, for example, by ropes or handcuffs. This kind of restrainment can increase sexual enjoyment for some, and induce somatosensory (of warmth, coolness, pressure, pain) feelings in different areas of the body.

Discipline

A series of rules and punishments — all agreed upon before a sexual encounter begins — for a (usually) dominant partner to exert control over and dictate the actions of their (usually) submissive partner. The above-mentioned bondage can be a form of, and a vehicle for, discipline.

Dominance

The act of dominating a sexual partner, both in and out of sex. Sometimes, dominants have arrangements with their sexual partner in which they dictate (with the others’ consent) not only their partners’ behavior in bed but also behavior out of it — from food habits to sleep patterns.

Submission

The act of a submissive following their dominant’s actions. They have as much control over deciding what happens to them as their dominant does, even more so, perhaps. Communication between the dominant and submissive is of utmost importance, as that’s where boundaries are set, desires are shared, and permission is given.

Sadism and Masochism, or Sadomasochism 

The pleasure that a BDSM participant derives from either inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism); this could also manifest as emotional pain in the form of humiliation. Yes, BDSM can be violent — if the word ‘violent’ is stripped of all negative associations. Called intense sensation play, BDSM can involve hitting, pinching or causing any other physical harm to a sexual partner — but this is all consensual. Consent is the key to a healthy expression of sado-masochism, with an understanding between all partners that the activity could stop at any moment should anybody be uncomfortable with the intensity of play.

 

Communication is Key

Open, honest communication with your partner(s) is key in any relationship. It is just as important in a BDSM relationship. Communicating with your partner(s) about your expectations (wants, needs, desires) and limits is essential to ensuring you get the most out of your experience. 

 

BDSM for the First Time

Are you ready to spice up your sex life and try something new? Dipping your toes into BDSM is an exciting and rewarding journey! We suggest taking this BDSM Test to get an idea of where you should start. 

Lux In Tenebris Intimates has all of your BDSM Gear to enhance your experience. If you are interested in Bondage, we highly suggest you sign up for a Shibari Bondage Course at LeZandra Photography!